Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
