It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
