you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
