I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
