I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You can't motorboat a personality
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
