i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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