I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize