"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love black thongs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
