theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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