last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
