nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
tell me about the fingering
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