2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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