I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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