I wish I only lived at night.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
