so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
