She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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