She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
