Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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