why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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