dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
