Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
