He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
