Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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