Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
