no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
