I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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