you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
