I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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