You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
