There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
