went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
