I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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