He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
