and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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