i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
