apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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