I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
