Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
