lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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