Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize