Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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