It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
