R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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