is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
