I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
