thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My vagina is officially offended.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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