No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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