you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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