Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
