I think my vagina is haunted
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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