How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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