I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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