I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
