no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
