zippers are such a cool invention
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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