My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
