Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
