Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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