Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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