He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
