I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize