No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
