I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
