I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
