highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
