My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
