This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
