i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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