The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
