We're facebook friends in real life
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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