then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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