My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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