Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This baby is an asshole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
