I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
