you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
