I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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