Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
