i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
