if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All I want is dick and wine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize