Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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