And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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