dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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