After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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