you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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