We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't deserve a penis
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
