Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am one with the molecules
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
