I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Randomize
