Porn is love you can see.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
