i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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