He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
