this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
