It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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