Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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