So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
