I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
